I just lost a fight with a tree. And it wasn't the Whomping Willow.

I'M ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME.

JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE HOT WEATHER DOESN'T GIVE YOU ALL THE RIGHT TO STICK ICE CUBES DOWN MY CLOTHES EVERY TIME I'M TRYING TO WORK. IF I FAIL AND END UP LIVING IN THE GUTTER IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT.

Tossers.

It's just occurred to me that in just a couple of months, school will be over. Forever. We're all going to have to pretend to be adults from here on in.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm really quite anxious at the prospect. I don't think I know how to be an adult, not after seven years of living with you lot. And with these attacks that've been happening, I just. I almost wish we could stay here forever.

Sirius, was that your brother I saw practising his pirouettes in the fourth floor toilets?

Psst, Lily!

I need some advice, but you have to come alone. You know where to find me.

Sirius? Are you around?


We need to talk.

It's like a madhouse in this place. I haven't a clue what's going on, so I thought it would be safest to retreat to the library until everything blows over. If anybody wants me, I'm encamped in the restricted section - reference T to Z. I've built a yurt. At least I think it's a yurt. The blueprints weren't very clear, so it could be anything. Maybe a canoe. Or a sandwich toaster.

Anyway. I'm just going to read up on my Wilde Beaste Compendium until things return to normal or the library falls down. I'm game; we could see who rots first.

Alright, now I'm worried. I'm sure I saw James earlier sneaking off in the direction of the forbidden forest, but he was playing Quidditch at the time.


There is something very odd going on around here.

SIRIUS LORETTA BLACK.

YOU GET HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE, D'YOU HEAR ME?

I HAVE A DISGRUNTLED BAT FLAPPING ROUND AND ROUND MY ROOM, I HAVE SPENT THE LAST WEEK STARING AT TRANSFIGURATIONS BOOKS, AND I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 75 HOURS. WHATEVER THE HELL YOU DID, YOU'D BETTER GET HERE AND SORT IT OUT. OTHERWISE THERE WILL BE RECRIMINATION. REALLY PAINFUL.

Lily? Um, I need your help.

See I can't ask James or Sirius, and you're better than I am at Transfigurations.

Please?

Urgh.

Now I remember why I said I wasn't ever drinking again. Morning, Snape.



SNAPE!?

Look, shaving isn't a laughing matter.

I know you all think it's very funny that I've got to the age of seventeen without ever having to shave, this does not mean that I am a girl. And anyway, technically most of them start shaving before us. Don't look at me like that, just ask Lily. I promise you.

Er anyway. My dad thought it was about time I started acting more manly, or something (I'm blaming all of you entirely for the fact that even my own father thinks I'm a pansy), and so he bought me a razor and sent me off. I know how it's done and everything, but I ran out of shaving cream halfway through and all there was is the stuff my mum uses - Mrs Chrysanthemum's Expert Lather for the Sensitive Woman.

I now smell like frescia, whatever that is, and I'm bleeding profusely from about sixteen different places (Stop pulling faces, Sirius. I'm being careful not to drip on the page). Also I would like to complain about false advertising. That stuff doesn't lather up at all. It just clings to your skin in an oily sort of way and makes you bleed. I am highly unimpressed.

If it wouldn't mean even more shaving, I'd buy a skirt and grow my hair out and call myself Doreen. Or maybe Rosie.

I'm going to regret this.

Ah, Snape?

It's been nice being home again. Mum won't stop fussing over me though, and Dad keeps trying to teach me to fish. I'm rubbish at it. All I've managed to catch so far is a boot, which I don't think is the point.

Mum's been teaching me to cook, for when I move out. Today she taught me to make treacle tart, because she knows it's Sirius' favourite. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he- that we argued.

I hope you're all having good summers. Lily, would you still like me to take you to Diagon Alley sometime?

Who-

What-

Where did this come from? Someone spellotaped my journal back together. I just found it by my bed.

Prongs?

Uurrrhgngnnhhhh!!1

I feel like a pig shat in my head.

What on earth happened last night?

Anyone?

Ahh the dormitory has been so quiet for the last few days with Sirius confined to the infirmary and James off flirting with Lily. Also Peter is still MIA. I hope we find him before the end of term. I hope Snape hasn't kidnapped him and been experimenting on him in horrible and creative ways.

Hm.

I wonder if Sirius is feeling any better.

Today was nice. It's such a relief now that exams are over. I spent the day reading by the lake. It was extremely relaxing not having to worry about what Sirius and James might have been getting up to, or have to worry about telling people off for making noise in the corridors.

I wonder if James has burnt anything yet today.

Dear Mister Lupin,

Madam Pince has informed me of the disturbance you caused in the library yesterday afternoon. I hardly need repeat what was said, as I'm sure she made it perfectly clear to you that she would not tolerate that sort of behaviour amongst her books. I should inform you that Madam Pince has also requested that I relieve you of your Prefect duties, however I feel that after two years of sensible behaviour, I can overlook one little hiccup. Even if it did involve gross indecency.

I shall still have to give you detention, of course, which you will be serving every evening for the next week with Mister Filch. He's expecting you in the dungeons at eight sharp tonight. I'm sure you will be punctual.

Sincerely,

Prof. McGonagall.


Sirius, you are a dead man.