Look, shaving isn't a laughing matter.
I know you all think it's very funny that I've got to the age of seventeen without ever having to shave, this does not mean that I am a girl. And anyway, technically most of them start shaving before us. Don't look at me like that, just ask Lily. I promise you.
Er anyway. My dad thought it was about time I started acting more manly, or something (I'm blaming all of you entirely for the fact that even my own father thinks I'm a pansy), and so he bought me a razor and sent me off. I know how it's done and everything, but I ran out of shaving cream halfway through and all there was is the stuff my mum uses - Mrs Chrysanthemum's Expert Lather for the Sensitive Woman.
I now smell like frescia, whatever that is, and I'm bleeding profusely from about sixteen different places (Stop pulling faces, Sirius. I'm being careful not to drip on the page). Also I would like to complain about false advertising. That stuff doesn't lather up at all. It just clings to your skin in an oily sort of way and makes you bleed. I am highly unimpressed.
If it wouldn't mean even more shaving, I'd buy a skirt and grow my hair out and call myself Doreen. Or maybe Rosie.